I despise Ann Curry.

And I am stunned—stunned, I say—that she has not yet made her way down to Haiti to report on the imminent hurricane. Seems to me like she derives her passion for reporting precisely from pretending to care about disasters and the people suffering from them. Few people are as clearly insincere about their work as she is. I am completely convinced she does what she does solely for the sake of constructing the façade of “a good person.” “Oh, look at Ann Curry. She cares so much. Making a difference.™”

On another note, you can really tell a lot about a person from the items they keep by their bathroom sink. You meet someone with flawless, admirable skin and then you go visit them and feel like you have to go and—BAM!—Proactiv, the full collection, the dude has caught ‘em all. And the hair? What’s that, Garnier? Why not go directly for L’Oréal already? Baby shampoo? What the fuck is this!?

I keep my toothbrush right outside the curtain of my shower, right beside the toothpaste, the most basic, pure white Colgate imaginable. No fussy stuff here. Well…

Items I suspect Ann Curry keeps by her sink: Olay Regenerist products, tissues in a quaint porcelain coverthing, Crest Whitestrips, Bath & Body Works coconut-lime-verbena foaming handsoap, generic baby wipes, potpourri of lavender.