VICTORY FOR THE FORCES OF DEMOCRATIC FREEDOM!

Stayed home sick today and, much to my dismay, Rachael Ray made some mad shit-lookin’ pasta that could have been potentially bitchin’ were it not made by Rachael Ray. Logically, I downed a few aspirins to ‘get over it’ and went on a mission—a mission for the glory of my own intellect and ego over Food Network. No recipe. No behind-the-scenes cast reminding me that salt does, indeed, taste salty. No proprietary cookware. Just plain, simple ingredients that, when compounded into a smörgåsbord of finesse and sophistication, yield incredibly orgasmic food.

To make the above, you will need:

  • Extra-virgin olive oil;
  • ‘good butter’;
  • 4-5 cloves of garlic;
  • 1 yellow onion, medium;
  • 3 medium-large-ish ripe tomatoes of any variety;
  • 1 can of salty dead fish (anchovies—don’t fear these beasties);
  • black peppercorns/black pepper;
  • dry sage and rosemary;
  • spaghetti (um… duh; I used Barilla);
  • veggie oil and salt (for pasta water);
  • bacon, optional (didn’t use it, but would be sublime);
  • parmesan cheese, optional.

Start by placing a wide-bottom, shallow pan (that has a lid, somewhere in your cabinets) on a burner set to the lowest possible setting. Add about two-three tablespoons of olive oil and one-two of ‘good butter’. If it does anything more than ‘simply’ melt and lightly bubble, it’s too hot.

Chop each clove of garlic in half and dice the onion. Add everything to the oil/butter mix. Now increase the ‘flame’ to a low-ish setting and sauté until the onion and garlic are nearly transparent and yellowing. Add the anchovies and the oil in ‘their’ can. If using bacon, add it now. At this point it’ll seem like a lot of oil for not much stuff. Don’t worry. Mix on a medium-ish setting until all the anchovies have broken down.

Start choppin’ the tomatoes into nice chunks (don’t remove the seeds), and add them to the mix. Careful with hot splashes. At this point, cover the pan and reduce the power to low. Check sometimes to see if things are getting wetter (due to water in tomatoes) or too dry. If it gets really dry and stuff starts sticking, add a bit of water.

Once the tomatoes start to dissolve (you can mush them around), add a pinch of rosemary and sage, and as much cracked peppercorns as you’d like. Don’t add any salt—the anchovies are more than enough. Let simmer for ~20-30 minutes, lifting the lid every once in a while for some of the liquid to evaporate. The sauce will become red (rather than brown) after some time. Keep the sauce simmering while you boil the pasta (remember to salt your pasta water).

Once done, simply add the sauce to the pasta and serve with parmesan cheese on top!

Woo~