We're part of the same family.
Me: i opened safari by accident and google's white screen blinded me; the back of my eyes hurts like a beeotch
Me: am i gonna die?
Brah: don't be such a sissy
Brah: try picking cotton for the whole day under the georgian sun and then come bitch
Re my last post.
I feel very significant. Fellow tumblrer deadpresidentz said, sic, your very analytical to the likeliness of things actually accruing to you, perhaps you should look up how many cases have actually happened to your fears, or the percent chance of these situations actually occuring. I’d say you’re correct. I do tend to be very analytical and sometimes get much too carried away...
Something tells me that what I shall here enumerate are in many ways shared fears. These are all things or situations I avoid ‘like the plague’, even if doing so makes me feel weird and seem weird in a very much public manner. First, staring through peepholes. I find it impossible to make myself look through any smallish hole on a wall or door. I feel like someone will always be on the other...
10th grade poetry.
Nonsense! Alas! A “bootylicious” heffalump loved Jeff, But his girlfriend, Hillary Duff, slept with George Bush. So, Harry Potter ran to New York City With a sticky, pink seahorse To stick bubblegum and “Cheetos” on a red-headed wolf. Great balls of fire!
What I do when I do things not related to what I...
Sitting in a coffee shop trying to read a book that is too engrossing to review but that nevertheless requires breaks for note-taking is frazzling. Re Tao Lin’s Richard Yates. It makes me all jittery and freezing-like despite the ~70-degree temperature. I find myself dimming the laptop’s screen to minimum brightness and thinking to myself that it’s still too bright. There’s...
I think this first e-publishing project experimentation will go very well. The story will be divided into about ten pieces. The number isn’t exact, but I had a rough sketch of the plot since mid-July and it was comprised of ten small, bullet-point lists on Google Docs. I have a second project in the works, a series of n postmodern-y poems in epistolary prosaic form with mild inspiration...
I will be taking on the antisocial writer persona over the next twoish weeks. I will have a constant influx of coffee and several blank sheets of paper scattered about my table at Muddy Waters, Burlington, VT 05401, USA, North America, Northern Hemisphere, Earth, Sol Solar System, Milky Way, etc, both serving as ‘life support’ of sorts—coffee as IV, and paper as the depressingly...
Munching Diazepam like Smarties. ‘T’s what they got me at the Meadows. I think, can’t remember. I’ll market Adderall water like stat—AdderAde ‘Enhanced Water’, by Glacéau. Useful for bouts between research on postmodern poetry in epistolary form and 12ozPROPHET. Got out in Chelsea in late February. Walked to Flatiron, living in a Steichen photograph. It...
Almost without fail, small-town news and neighborhood letters convey a sense of nuclear catastrophe. Captions for gray-scale images taken with point-and-shoot digital cameras, particularly ones like ‘Mrs. Hutchinson shows students how to form macaroni necklaces at Jack Jouett Regional Elementary School this past Tuesday,’ are just the sort of minutia to elicit strong sensations of...
This happened more than once in Ribeirão Preto.
My family built a house in a ‘pretty damn good’ neighborhood in Brazil’s California in 1992. Like all residences in the southeastern region centered about São Paulo, it is enclosed by a ‘pretty damn tall’ wall on three sides and barred by an automatic gate out front. From ~1992 through ~1998, our plot of land was not very well developed, which meant that the house was...
I wish not to grow old in a world where physical...
Sometimes I wonder if I could be Bebe Zeva. I would like to be able to press my face against my pillow on a Tuesday night and breathe in insomnia. Would like to return home after a run or after a ‘day out in town’ and drink more water than I can handle. That the cold water should run down my chin and drip into my loose shirt. That I should get a ‘brain freeze’. That the...
At 9, living on campus at the University of...
[I chose the title of this piece unsure as to what I would write about. I feel like maybe this piece can significantly disrupt my prospective writing career if it is to eventually become viral due to some mystical/supernatural effect taking place within the next 30 or so years.] Wake-up time at 422 Farish Circle, Copeley Hill, was nine-thirty. Breakfast was baguette toast and margarine, black...
Entry re '"3x contest" re Richard Yates'
mollymaryobrien: hao does this work
is this correct??
me: i think so
i hope so
mollymaryobrien: awww SUPER!
mollymaryobrien: let's get this ball rolling...i can has laundry in the dryer, dryin' away
so first of all, i have read some of the other entries for thisa here contest
me: (we can use that as a metaphor for something later on, about tao)
mollymaryobrien: and all of them are very 'self-aware' and say things like 'oh we need to type longer'
me: yeah, i noticed that... let's just drag it on as much as we can; we get a free bük either way
you seem to possess a copy of Richard Yates, yesh?
me: not yet, which will make this a bit more difficult
mollymaryobrien: WE'LL SPECULATE
me: even better!
mollymaryobrien: so the html giant review
mollymaryobrien: i read it...it is somewhat of a 'cop-out'
(sounds like a bad police comedy movie)
me: oh god, yes.... the 'best book yet' bit was scary
mollymaryobrien: tis. 'revision and sabotage at once'
unsure what that 'means'
me: not so sure, we'll have to see what happens with the whole Dakota/Haley dynamic
mollymaryobrien: is it wrong to picture HJO and DF both as the little blonde children they were when they were 'young'
me: seems appropriate
mollymaryobrien: i know Yates is supposed to be some sort of 'lolita' story
would rather think of DF as that kid in 'i am sam'
me: which one exactly?
oh, never mind, i thought you meant HJO lulz
mollymaryobrien: oh bahaha. he was probably in that movie too
tao can remake 'i am sam'
he should probably start doing films soon
me: that would be wonderful, with fatty HJO as sam
mollymaryobrien: seems poised for 'mega empire' a la p. diddy
or is it just diddy now
me: that would be 'disturbing,' i feel
would ke$ha write a song about tao?
mollymaryobrien: yes but it would mention him as a side dish, almost
'i like tao lin/i like cocaine'
'i like things that are bad for brain'
'beep beep boop'
me: drunk sounds
'i like your beard'
mollymaryobrien: 'wish tao lin had a beard'
'nope actually i don't'
me: 'under "severely intoxicated" double quotes'
i want tao lin as a megabrand
tao lin brand paper towels
richard yates dish soap
me: TAO*LIN, like Wal*Mart?
me: RY cereal
what would RY cereal be like?
mollymaryobrien: shoplifting from american apparel....apparel
would be like...well it would have to involve nutritional yeast
me: The Tao of Tao kombucha
mollymaryobrien: that's the only thing i know fo sho
Tao Foods instead of Whole Foods
w8 question do you think tao has ever met the real richard yates
me: unlikely, i'd think
mollymaryobrien: wonder what the real richard yates is like
me: RY irl died ~1992?
mollymaryobrien: he must have been in a bad 'fucking' mood when he wrote rev. road
oh DANG was hoping for a showdown
me: yeah, sucks, disappointing
mollymaryobrien: need a richard yates' ghost showdown with tao, a la every shakespeare play ever
the real richard yates, vs. tao lin, vs. carles
all wearing brandon scott gorrell t-shirts
me: that could possibly push his fame into the mega-empire conglomeration you want
mollymaryobrien: ...all of us want.
mollymaryobrien: yeah then the world would x-plode
mollymaryobrien: hipster runoff would have a 'field' day
what if tao lin had a language like newspeak only it was taospeak
me: taospeak... like... high usage of 'single quotes' and used solely for anthropomorphizing hamsters?
mollymaryobrien: would be great...the whole world as a hamster
a scare-quote hamster...'hamster'
me: Third Planet from the Sun Hamster, or eartham
so you read the gawker essay about tao getting arrested, rite?
me: lovely piece, yes
mollymaryobrien: thought it was the best shit gawker has put on the interwebs in a 'long' time
gawker used to h8 him
now i think they'd 'bone' him
through the internet
me: he did 'tag' their door w/ 'britney spears' stickers
mollymaryobrien: true that. feel like the gawker essay showed a 'heroic' kind of bravery that i am unfamiliar with
like...if i were banned from a place, i would crap my pants every time i got NEAR that place
but not tao lin...no...he was all like...fuck the 'man'
me: i feel like i'd 'forget' in the same sense that tao 'forgot' after ~500x going into [the place]
but i'd be too much of a wuss to actually go inside
mollymaryobrien: feel like NYU send a pic of tao to possibly every person working at NYU ever...in the history
wonder if there was a reward for 'catching' him
a free NYU keychain or mug
maybe even a sweatshirt
me: sony 'in-ear' earphones
mollymaryobrien: would be a great prez(ent) for them
might be a good topic for a tao story or tao novel
me: i feel like the po-po in the gawker story were secretly tao lin 'fans'
mollymaryobrien: on da inside
very very possible
they knew a lot about him
like they had read his wikipedia
if he in fact has one
me: he does
i feel like he set it up
me: Tao Lin Wikipedia Presence
mollymaryobrien: Tao Lin Walmart.com Presence
me: RY does not have a wikipedia presence, it seems
mollymaryobrien: must fix this!
even though we don't know what it's 'about'
besides HJO and DF
me: i feel like we'd auto-win this contest if we did that
mollymaryobrien: and the mysterious man with the shell in his face on the cover
me: we can post a page with RY as the title and pitchurs of the cover and HJO/DF
that would 'sum it up,' to some degree
why am i taospeaking?
mollymaryobrien: oh no i 'am' as well
think it automatically happens when we talk about him
mollymaryobrien: what we talk about when we 'talk' about tao
me: murakami and tao should be made into a mashup
mollymaryobrien: would be epic
what if you could do literary mashups (besides those fucking zombie ones)
me: Tao Lin Epic Presence
mollymaryobrien: Norwegian American Apparel
The Second Richard Yates Attack
me: What I Eeeee Eee Eeee When I Eeeee Eee Eeee About Shoplifting
mollymaryobrien: oh fuck yeah that's beautiful
need 'microsoft word' program to accomplish this
might get busted for semi-plagiarism
me: not if everything is in '""'
then it would be ironic
mollymaryobrien: CITE YR SOURCEZ
me: and sarcastic
mollymaryobrien: ok so you know how in this 'contest'
one of the links is to 'Justin Taylor' commenting on the HTMLGIANT review
i'm wondering if that was a mocking thing
'Justin Taylor' seemed to take everything very seriously
think he is a high school kid...in an AP class
me: yes, i kind of noticed that too, like everything about RY was 'majorly overanalyzed'
mollymaryobrien: he used the word 'morbid' in a funny way
mollymaryobrien: like he didn't understand what 'morbid' means
he also used the word 'inasmuch' which i'm not fond of
want 2 think that tao is 'laughing' at him somewhat
me: he did say "Morbid" though, so it may be intentionally ambiguous
mollymaryobrien: true...my fave is when he compares RY to "Hills LIke White Elephants"
me: 'utter dispassion'
mollymaryobrien: i want to read "Hills Like White Elephants" but in a tao-esque gchat
would be hilar
mollymaryobrien: tao + hemingway + murakami +...this justin taylor shit
i don't know
me: may work, why not throw in some... Dostoevsky into that?
mollymaryobrien: o y not
me: perhaps even better--put it in Odyssey form
mollymaryobrien: an epic 'poem'
that would 'confuse' 'Justin Taylor' 'to a large degree' i feel
mollymaryobrien: probably would make him go back to his Norton anthology and go 'hmmmmmm'
'Justin Taylor' in my mind looks like justin bieber
me: omg was just about to say
ok so we need to go on the guerilla tao sticker mission
me: Taylor Swift
with Bieber fae
mollymaryobrien: oh brother! 'Taylor Swift' would be a good tao character name
me: sounds like a promising character for a book titled 'Miranda July'
i wonder if RY would be a good 1st book in a trilogy
mollymaryobrien: Richard Yates....Miranda July....and....Jordan Castro
mollymaryobrien: better than the lord of the rings, thats fer sher
me: the cover for JC would have ~1x 'dirt-stache' on it
mollymaryobrien: possibly a sweater photographed onlookbook.nu
possible ~3x views of sweater
me: by noah kalina
one of the 'non-legit' contest entries
is just tao inserted in crime and punishment
me: i noticed that, seems 'gimmicky' to a large extent
but also 'potentially' wonderful
mollymaryobrien: true...probably didn't put enough effort into it
plus you need many russian diminuitives of tao's name
me: i read the equivalent of ~20x pages irl and felt [nothing]
mollymaryobrien: taovna linskya
mollymaryobrien: suddenly 'feel bad' because those are feminine ones
me: if tao lin were lin tao, he'd be a she
mollymaryobrien: this be true
me: so perhaps linskya taovna would be appropriate
mollymaryobrien: da, da
me: and she could have a severely troubling murderous dynamic with linskov
mollymaryobrien: tao lin cast in a movie version of C&P
me: 'very russian'
mollymaryobrien: russian period drama
many shabby rags
and stock footage of st. petersburg
vodka...a lot of vodka
me: computer died, i think it was the russia talk
me: Tao Lin Vodka Presence
mollymaryobrien: better dead than red
mollymaryobrien: TAO LIN VODKA SPONSORSHIP
shoplifting from the liquor store
me: Tao Lin Commie Social-Presence
Shoplifting from the General Good of Humanity
mollymaryobrien: Tao Lin x Stalin Mashup (Girl Talk remix)
me: feat. Lady Gaga
mollymaryobrien: covered live by Arcade Fire
mollymaryobrien: Fourth Arcade Fire album: 'Richard Yates' Neon Bible Funeral In The Suburbs"
me: or a New Porns mashup
mollymaryobrien: oooh yeee
this is a side note and not technically 'on topic'
but there's this girl from high school whose mother is having a baby
me: we have ~20% OT convos left, i think
mollymaryobrien: and she keeps posting upd8s like 'her water just broke'
something tao would probably mock in a short story
me: he'd note on how water can't 'break'
her water just 'broke'
me: ~1x baby 'popped out'
mollymaryobrien: it's not a baby, its a 'baby'
baby pops out and sees doctor, other doctor who seems less like a doctor, metal thing, computer thing, ~4x 'people watching,' ~1x 'awkward video camera'
me: colors remind me of "Synergy" brand 'kombucha'
mollymaryobrien: baby pops out and asks if it can bum '-natural' 'organic' american spirit lights
no one 'has' any
what is the title of this tao lin story?
me: it's a Jordan Castro excerpt
me: Taylor Swift walks 'into' the 'maternity "ward"'
me: 'sings' about ~1x 'boyfriend'
mollymaryobrien: drinks 'Synergy' brand Kombucha
me: 'baby' 'sings' 'Baby'
mollymaryobrien: wonders if 'alcohol' in kombucha will harm her 'squeaky' clean image
me: TAO LIN BROADWAY PRESENCE
mollymaryobrien: you know what that title would be
Tao Lin! the musical
mollymaryobrien: oh yes
Tao Lin '!' the 'musical'
banner in helvetica font
me: Sutton Foster as 'Taylor Swift'
Justin Bieber as 'baby'
mollymaryobrien: Jordan Castro as 'himself'
me: Tao Lin as 'Lin Tao' the mother
mollymaryobrien: from russia, da
this is beautiful
this deserves a wikipedia page and it doesn't even 'exist'
me: i'll work on it
ok, now, re Tao Lin, what Lady Gaga single would his writing be?
better question: what Beyoncé single would RY be?
mollymaryobrien: oh boy
want to say something off the destinys child 'xmas' album
seems like an 'approp' answer
or also 'cater 2 u'
me: coffee would have 'flown out' of my nose
me: but i am not currently drinking coffee... 'coffee'
mollymaryobrien: want to see tao lin wearing lady gaga oscillating metal outfit
would be 'approp' as well
me: i feel like RY would be something like 'crazy in love' due to 'large "mainstream" appeal' re 'page-turner'
it would be 'approp'
mollymaryobrien: ooh yes that's good
ok so the time has come to finish 'doing' my laundry
do you think we chatted long enough about tao lin/tao lin internet presence/richard yates?
i feel 'good' about this
me: i shall check, we could 'continue' at [later time]
mollymaryobrien: i also feel 'good' about 'vandalizing' burlington VT with tao stickers
me: !!! we need to discuss that, i forgot to answer your message re [that]
go do your laundry, i'll be here later if 'u' 'feel like it'
mollymaryobrien: ok has this chat bonanza been saved on your 'comp'?
me: yes, and it's only 307 lines so far
mollymaryobrien: ok we will reconvene...i'm currently 'working' but i'll be on after 11
me: i 'don't sleep'
mollymaryobrien: haha ok well tata 4 nao
me: alright, have fun with laundry
mollymaryobrien: still there dudeface?
me: hell yes
mollymaryobrien: sick nasty
me: high violet has been keeping me entertained
which led me to twitter, for some reason, and i saw that htmlgiant posted another contest re 'richard yates'
mollymaryobrien: oh man what is it?
me: and tao 'tweeted' it--post >200 words on one of the video submissions to 3x contest
but only the first 5 get it, baaahh
mollymaryobrien: holy crap at 'contest mania'
me: lotsa free books
i feel i won't have to 'purchase' books ever again
mollymaryobrien: if we were to overanalyze a la 'Justin Taylor' it would seem that there is some sort of 'literary democracy' going on
or perhaps more of a 'meritocracy'
me: or a battle to the death
mollymaryobrien: free bookz 4 evreyone...az long as you particip8 in contests
me: gladiatorial bookbath
mollymaryobrien: Tao Lin Literary Ultimate Fighter Competition Presence
me: (RT @htmlgiant)
did you watch any of Jordan Castro's 'feature-length' video?
mollymaryobrien: not sure if the one i saw was 'feature length'
but it was him 'robo-tripping' and reading a poem
me: it was ~2 hours long
that one was high-larious
mollymaryobrien: oh no this one was quite short
made me want 2 robo-trip
what i would like is for tao to do one of those 'every drug i've ever done' pieces
me: tao has a vimeo account that makes me want 2 robo-trip at all times
mollymaryobrien: like the one brandon scott gorrell did for thought catalog
luv reading about people doing drugs
me: BSG could write a drug encyclopedia a la DFW
mollymaryobrien: would be 'siq'
me: i feel like the 'factory farmed hamster' would appreciate it
mollymaryobrien: i enjoy when BSG says he always was afraid of cocaine because he would have 'crossed the threshold into being 'fucked' '
seems like tao lin's whole oeuvre is about what is 'fucked'
how do we get 'fucked'
how do we get 'unfucked'
me: 'we are 'fucked''
mollymaryobrien: is it cool 2 b 'fucked'
me: i don't think one can be 'unfucked'
mollymaryobrien: will my health insurance cover me being 'fucked'
me: how does one 'unfuck' oneself?
i am not sure
mollymaryobrien: what doez that even meen mang
me: unless.... Tao Lin Insurance Presence takes over
mollymaryobrien: Tao Lin Aetna Blue Cross Blue Shield Partnership
eventual corpor8 takeover
me: feat. AARP
mollymaryobrien: with short fiction in every new AARP mag
which my mom gets in the 'mail'
me: short fiction re 'Richard Yates's last days'
in poetry form performed by HJO and DF
mollymaryobrien: with a 'gentle' reminder that everyone especially old people are 'fucked'
+ a hint of...lord byron
for the old people
me: ahhhh, yes
mollymaryobrien: and...shelley...shelley is old too
wonder if tao will ever write abt 'old' people
me: i agree, zombified
mollymaryobrien: 'old' meaning like 'over 35' or sumthing
me: he may write abt 'zombies'
he wrote abt 'RY'
mollymaryobrien: Tao Lin And American Apparel And Zombies
i would like for tao lin to do some am appy ads
as a zombie
still wearing the tri-blend athletic v-neck t-shirt
and corresponding mesh gym shorts
me: should have suggested it as an outfit for the 'Nylon' interview
mollymaryobrien: would be 'pervy' and kind of 'awesome'
me: Tao Lin as 'pervy 'American Apparel' zombie who 'eats' Taylor 'Swift's' brain'
in Act ~3
i would like for Taylor 'Swift's' brain to keep singing wholesome love 'songs'
even while in Tao's tummy
would be a 'freak show'
me: 'disturginly alt'
mollymaryobrien: that would maybe be a great title for a short storee
Disturbingly Typo'd/Disrufnginly Fybod
mollymaryobrien: would suggest 'ingestion' of some sort of 'drug'
would be 'fucked'
mollymaryobrien: so 'fucked'
i have an idea
i think the tao lin contest is a brain-programming activity
that our brains are 'now' programmed to finish each other's tao lin 'ish' sentences
maybe we are 'zombies' already
me: seems 'possible'/'highly likely'
mollymaryobrien: tao lin cashing in on vampire craze
is RY a secret vampire novel
me: Tao Lin Bot Fly Presence
me: dat wud suck
mollymaryobrien: just typed 'iiiiiiiiiiii' without looking
me: that sounds an awful lot like Eeeeeeee
mollymaryobrien: Tao Lin's Twilight: Taolight
'super possessed' then
iiii iiiiiii iiiiiii
tao lin + k stew
making 'facial expressions'
me: let's go on a 'killing-rampage'
mollymaryobrien: i forget...when tao writes does he talk a lot about 'facial expressions'
seems like he might
me: neutral facial expressions
mollymaryobrien: theater exercise: make tao lin 'facial expressions'
many different ones all in a row
me: i feel like tao lin 'facial expressions' would be like 'lindsay lohan' 'facial expressions'
mollymaryobrien: i like having 'lindsay lohan' in scare quotes
me: seems 'approp'
mollymaryobrien: seems METAPHORICAL a la 'Justin Taylor' analysis
metaphor of her 'life'
me: i feel like RY should have a 'prequel' re 'lindsay lohan'
mollymaryobrien: create a tao computer virus
the tao virus goes through the interwebs and puts scare quotes where necessary
me: seems possible
mollymaryobrien: like in 'LiLos' life
mollymaryobrien: and also maybe the 'wendys' corporation
or a mediocre emo band
tao should start a mediocre emo band
me: or it could 'take over' due to 'significant concern' for the 'blogosphere' a la 'smart house' 'disney channel "original" movie'
mollymaryobrien: my 'jaw' just dropped open
mollymaryobrien: tao lin writes a sequel to 'smart house'
me: would make 'mad bank'
mollymaryobrien: 'smart' 'house '2': we are so 'fucked'
me: with 'lindsay lohan'
as 'severely concerned [character]'
mollymaryobrien: so 'concerned'
shit 'son' i gotta go briefly, will be back in ten to continue the madness
me: no problem
had to 'deal' with a student
'high school' student?
mollymaryobrien: yes sir
me: seems like tao would write about 'high school' 'students' in 'lindsay lohan'
and about how they are 'fucked'
mollymaryobrien: high school students are 'especially' 'fucked' for sure
wonder abt tao's 'audience'
seems like high schoolers would enjoy his stuff
'something' 'something' 'mumble' 'nihilism' 'somethine'
me: 'college applications', slight 'neutral facial expression' re 'SAT'/'ACT'
mollymaryobrien: occasional expressions of being 'fucked' re 'AP' classes
'football' 'cheerleading' 'low-level drug dealing' etc
me: RY would 'appropriately' resonate with the 'high school' 'crowd' due to HJO/DF PRESENCE
mollymaryobrien: true that
me: and how HJO and DF are '"royally" fucked'
mollymaryobrien: will 'relate' with same 'feelings' of 'fuckedness'
also maybe sum 'lil tweens' will have seen 'rev. road'
due to 'leo dicap'
and will resonate/vibrate with 'rich yates'
thus creating 'built in' audience
me: 'leo dicap' reminds of 'handicap'
mollymaryobrien: heh heh eh
me: 'The Sun Also Rises' 'handicap'
me: Justin Taylor would 'agree'
mollymaryobrien: 'Justin Taylor' seeks strong 'affinity' with 'Ernie Hemi'
'hemi' as in the 'engine'
seems 'approp' 'masculine' for 'mister hemi'
me: it does
mollymaryobrien: 'Justin Taylor' might be the ghost of ernie hemi
tao lin might be the ghost of 'ernie hemi'
me: partaking in significant 'self-promotion' of "Hills Like White Elephants"
tao lin might be 'Justin Taylor'
mollymaryobrien: ver 'possible'
me: posting on htmlgiant for 'mad hits'
mollymaryobrien: 'Justin Taylor' might be the aborted 'baby' of the girl in 'Hills Like White Ellies'
me: 'Richard Yates' may have been tao lin prior to 'fake death'